You know the deal; you’re cruising down the streets, maybe you’re shopping, perhaps partaking in a cheeky day-drink, or just passing through town when the urge hits. You gotta pee. Your derrière is not gonna be cool with the average public toilet, though. You need the top shelf stuff, and sometimes that means bending the rules.
Where: 3 Cinema Place
Risk Factor: Low
This is my personal favourite of the freeing spots as the toilets are right near the door and have a nice popcorn aroma to them. It’s also one of the least obvious free pees because you could easily be waiting for your movie to start and the ticket booth is far enough away for you not to see the judgemental stares.
Where: 205 Rundle Street
Risk Factor: Intermediate
The Austral is a classic on the list of any regular free-er as they’re pretty much always open and pretty much never care if you go in and don’t buy a drink. There’s so many different areas that you could easily pass your free pee off as looking for a friend or pretending you left your drink outside. There's also a side exit near the toilets if you fear being caught out.
Where: Level 1, 128 Rundle Mall
Risk Factor: Intermediate
This is a more complex operation as it involves going up in a lift, however the bathrooms are just outside the bar and thus you can pop in for a sneaky free pee without the bartenders ever seeing your cheap ass. Risk of judgement is higher when there’s a bouncer out the front to greet you at the lift but a successful free can still happen with an important check of your phone as you waltz past.
Where: Lower Ground, 77-91 Rundle Mall
Risk Factor: Nil
These are the only actual public restrooms on this list but have made it because they’re the best of the best. They were built within the last two years, hardly ever have that pungent chemical smell and the soap and taps are almost always fully functional. There is also a full length mirror with not-awful lighting.
Where: 15 Peel Street
Risk Factor: High
The entrance to Maybe Mae is hidden down below Bread and Bone in what looks like a level just for the bathrooms, but what’s also hidden there is the location of one of Adelaide’s best frees. Before night-time hits this entrance is rarely patrolled by a security guard and is prime for the free picking. Maybe Mae is so well contained in its hidden glory that the inhabitants will be none the wiser of you using their expensive soap and hand cream. Risk factor is high after 5pm, would not recommend.
Where: Level 8, 2 King William Street
Risk factor: High
I mainly like the idea of putting 2KW on this list because I think they would hate it. Known for their somewhat pretentious persona and with the need for a whopping two lifts to get there, this is the most effort and highest risk for a free pee. But done expertly, it’s more than worth it. The big risk factor here is the greeter that stands at the entrance to the restaurant. I would recommend a friendly but non-commital hello, followed by a point to the bathrooms (which are down a set of stairs to the left). The real challenge comes when you’ve freed your bladder and now have to get to the exit eight floors below. This can be done with relative success by pretending to take an important phone call as you come out of the bathroom and sighing loudly as you wait for the lift.
You can thank us later.
Cover image via Ainslie Tebbs